Friendship… The Yucky Stuff

Following a prompt from Tell Your Story Every Day… Journaling Challenge 9.

I honestly do not have many friends, close or otherwise. Sure, I have 500+ “Friends” on Facebook, but does that really count? Most of them are people that I went to school with some time between Kindergarten to Graduation – in fact, in a few cases we went to school together the whole time.

My first best friend, C. A guy on my street a couple of years older than me. During our childhood we were inseparable. Then the awkward teenage years, followed by my crush on him – not sure if he ever truly knew about it. He graduated, we lost touch. Enter Facebook years later – turns out maybe I never really truly knew him.

My other childhood best friend, T. and I had a falling out during middle school. She was popular. I wasn’t. ‘nuff said.

My high school best friend, T2. and I fell out of touch soon after I married my husband. We both met him on the same day at the same time at a youth group thing. Before I even knew his name I told her I was going to marry him. She claimed she would date him first. She did – one, maybe two dates. Then I started seeing him. No big deal, she started dating one of my former boyfriends around the same time. She even stood up in my wedding. Not exactly sure what happened other than I got married, moved out of town (just a couple of towns over), and proceeded to start my family. The last time we saw each other, she was involved but still single.

My current BFF, K. lives 3 hours away. We met on the internet in 2004. The distance prevents us from seeing each other frequently – but we talk on the telephone almost every single day – for hours at a time. Our husbands are baffled how we can possibly have that much to talk about. It’s funny, but some days we don’t really talk – we’re just there on the other end of the phone keeping each other company while we go through our day.

I’m here at home most days – alone, unless you count my five children. My husband, truly my best friend, travels with his job frequently. Even with the kids – I’m lonely. A lot.

I don’t enjoy big crowded parties/social situations. Anxiety.

My “filter” isn’t the greatest. A lot of times, if it pops into my head – out of my mouth it comes. This makes keeping friends difficult. I am honest. Brutally and bluntly.

I am also super sensitive. My feelings get hurt very easily. I can also hold a grudge. I’m still mad at one of my former friends for something she said & did at my wedding – this was 18 years ago. I know I should let it go, but in my head she nearly ruined my wedding.

Ok – enough about all of that. See? My life isn’t all sunshine and roses. I think I’m going to go outside and pull “winter weeds” for the next hour while I wait for the preschool bus to drop off my Katharine and my Benjamin!